I am still alive

I miss you, blog... and blog reader (yes, that is singular for readers... with an "s") I think I only have 1 reader left.

Oh well, who is this blog for anyway??

Here is what I have been up to

-going to the gym. almost daily. I am loving Zumba class, and body pump, which is weight lifting. I have also almost died trying step class.

-my whole family has been sick for like a month now. its this sore throat, chesty cold thing. But we are on the downhill side of it.

-the wind last night knocked about 90% of the leaves off our massive trees. I now have to wade knee deep in leaves to get to and from my car.

-I went to the grocery store tonight after work and ran into probably 10 people that I know, or at least recognize. Not 1 person said hi to me. And only 1 person smiled. I thought with the first couple, well maybe they didnt see me. But then someone walked right by me, and our eyes met, I smiled, but no smile, no hi, no nod, no nothing. Did I have a sign on my forehead that said "i've had a bad day, leave me alone?" I didnt think so. I know a couple of the people know me from church, so I guess I kinda got my feelings hurt. Oh well.

-I am in desperate need of a tan.

-I am throwing a Pampered Chef party in December. Anyone who reads this blog regularly should have already received an invite. Unless you're a boy, and your name starts with the letter M.

-Dennis calls party favors "party favorites"

-Gordon Ramsey is on QVC

-My current favorite snack is toast, made with Dave's Killer Bread

-My other favorite snack is pomogranites

-Both of the snacks are expensive. I mean really, they are just snacks.

-Oh I should mention that since I started going to the gym I havent lost a single pound. do you think that has anything to do with my snacks of toast and pomogranites?

-I plan on drinking Egg Nog everyday in December.

-I dont plan on trying to lose weight during December, but it would be nice to lose a few pounds BEFORE December. It would. Be nice.

-Oh I get up at 4:40am to go the gym for Body Pump class. This is the first time in my life I have ever worked out in the mornings.

-I am afraid of passing out so I eat 1/2 a Cliff bar on my way to the gym.

-I gag every morning when I get into my car at 4:50am, but I feel better after I eat the Cliff bar.

-If I never had to drink Grape Rehydrate from Advocare ever again I would be happy. I am a fan of electrolytes, but I prefer plain water. I ordered some different electrolytes that dont have a flavor, they will be here tomorrow.

-I am rambling, so I think its time for bed.

-David Venebal is on QVC with Gordon Ramsey. I love David Venebal, but I dont know how to spell his last name.

How to make an Elvis Sandwich

What you will need:


Butter some bread and slap it on the griddle. Spread on the peanut butter.



Add slices of banana....


a drizzle of honey...


cooked bacon. This here is applewood smoked bacon, thick sliced.


dont forget the marshmallow fluff on the other slice of bread!!!!


Flip and grill the other side of the sandwich.


Yum!!!!!


Ready to enjoy this hunka hunka burnin love!!!

Shape.. out of it.

I joined a local gym, so I could work out on my own schedule, not just when its light outside.

I was really excited because the gym has treadmills with tv's on them!

Well, the times I have been, all the "tv treadmills" are taken, and tonight there was one open that the tv didnt work.

This treadmill thing is for the birds.

I am out of shape, and its hard.

I realize I like walking and running outside much better.

the fresh air, the scenery, the fact that I have something to look at besides the chick with the nice butt in front of me.

I hope this gets easier.

Tonight I stumbled I dont know how many times. I start looking around and I shift to the right and end up tripping.

I try to swing my arms and I snag my headphone cord and either rip it out of my ear, or pull the ipod out of the holder on the treadmill.

I also had a jacket on tonight and I got hot so I took it off and attempted to zip it up and tie it around my waist. But my keys were in my pocket so they came out and landed on the treadmill belt and went flying off behind me.

And after 30 minutes I was absolutely beat!

From walking!

Miles!

We was a naughty little raggedy cat the day Den and Harley brought him home from a house down the street.

He had ear mites, fleas, ringworm. He was 5 weeks old, and barely 1 pound!

Miles on august 6th. 5 weeks old.


He's a lot healthier now, thanks to numerous visits to the vet!


and he's just so naughty.


he's a hunter!!!


he loves to beat things up!


He has definitely stirred things up around here. He has been nothing short of a pain in the you know what.

:)

stranger shout-out!

As you all know.... I hardly blogged this summer. My bad.

I really do like blogging, and especially love the comments people leave.

I just have to tell you guys this story.

On August 20th, a bunch of our family got together at Fuddruckers for Harley's birthday.

After a great meal, we were heading out of the crowded restaurant, and a man approached Dennis.

A man we have never seen before.

"hey, where is your wife?" he asked

my friend and I stood there like huh???

"ya, where is your wife??"

and everyone points to me..

he looks to me and says...

"I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!!"

Excuse me?!?! Wha....huh??

And I, of course, didnt know what to say.

ohhhhhh. wow....thank you!

And we walk out of the restaurant. What just happened???

Cindy and I start freaking out!!

omg! omg! omg! I have a "FAN"!!!! A follower. I dont know what you call it.....

but someone that doesnt even know me.... read MY blog!!!

He has even left a comment!!!

So, with that being said... welcome to my blog, Milt!!

Milt, sorry I ran out of the restaurant, red faced, as if you just handed me a 2 fold printshop card that said will you go out with me, yes no or maybe.

I dont think you are a stalker. I just didnt know what to say.

I read your blog now, and its pretty cool! Thanks for the tip on how to un-seed a watermelon!

Thanks for liking my blog!!! I hope you still read it....

:)

runs upon a time....

Once upon a time:

I might have considered myself a runner

I could run a whole mile w/o stopping

Heck, on a good day I could run 3 miles.

Even more on a GREAT day!

I had designated "running days"

"my.running.day" was a common part of my vocabulary.

"i cant do that tonight, its my running day"

"its my running day, remember? so you are in charge of dinner"

"I have to go home and grab my running clothes, I forget them, and today is my ru...."

You get the point...

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I would change into my running clothes at work, and go strait to running at the park.

On sundays I would run whenever, just depending on what I had going on.

My dog would watch me and I could see her wheels turning.

He anxious little puppy eyes, and waggly (yes its a word, I checked. Ok not really, but who's keeping track) tail, knew I was going for a "walk"

and that little girls LOVES WALKS!!

She didnt know any better.

I would have to expain to her

"no baby, you cant come with me. you see, momma's going for a run, three miles is just too much for a little 7 pound chihuahua. You need to stay here and lay in your bed, and someday soon momma will take you for your own little walk. but for now, momma is a runner and I gotta go running. I run real fast baby, and I run a long ways for a long time. Thats just what runners do. You dont see runners out there with little chihuahuas, baby. You want mamma to be a good runner, dont you? See, I knew you would understand"

And for a few months, thats the way it was.

I did have to take a couple weeks off because of horrible shin splints. (only real runners get shin splints, thats just something I say to make myself feel better)

Then summer came.

And instead of staying a runner, I became something else.

A wannabe.

100 degrees is just too hot for this wannabe.

80 degrees might even be too hot.

Then summer left, and alright now I am just plain lazy!

Now 3 or 4 times a week:

I strap on my running shoes, because they are just so dang cute.

I wear whatever I have on.

I dont put on my special socks.

Or my special spandex under shorts.

I dont take my iPod, because its dead, and I have failed to charge it.

Charging it would involved bringing it inside from my car.

I take my phone, and I text message people, and try not to trip over a curb.

I take my wonderful fantastic little dog with me, because afterall, and evening stroll around the block is not too much for her.

I end up carrying a small plastic bag of her fresh doo doo about 1/2 way in to the walk.

Sometimes I wear my Bloomsday finisher T-shirt, and I think about how it felt to run.

The cool weather is here, and I'm still not running.

I have a million and one excuses.

And they are all just that, excuses.

I think I'm getting there though, closer to being a runner again.

Why Life for {US} will Never be the Same.....

Thursday, September 2nd 2010, was just a normal day.

I had just gotten home from work and was preparing dinner for my family. We were having chili frito haystacks. We were all excited to eat, and were celebrating the fact that "tomorrow is friday, yay." It was a beautiful day outside, and we had the windows open, taking in the fresh air.

Just as we were about to sit down, a small pick up pulled up outside. The kids recognized the truck, and the men in it. It was Pat (their mothers boyfriend, whom they refuse to have any relationship with) and his father. Harley started to get upset, because she is scared of Pat. Dennis rushed outside to meet Pat's dad on the porch. His dad kneeled down, and I couldnt hear what he was saying, but I could tell it was bad news.

By the time I got to the door to stick my head out, Dennis had tears in his eyes and he turned around to me to say "Jessica died!"

The kids heard the news too, because the windows were open. I turned around and looked at them, and waiting for a reaction.

Both of them lost it!!!

I grabbed Harley and held her as she cried, and cried. Bubba was crying too, but he wouldnt sit still. He was walking around, trying to punch and kick things. I think this was a typical reaction from a 15 yr old boy.

I will NEVER forget that moment.

Feeling completely helpless.

Nothing I could do... or say...

A million things were running through my mind...

the fact that on the way to school that morning, Bubba said he was going to call his mom when school got out to wish her happy birthday.

the fact that it was her 34th Birthday!

the fact that we were just told that Jessica had committed suicide, drowned herself.

the fact that there was alcohol involved.

the fact that there was alcohol involved when on August 20th she told the kids was her 8th month of sobriety.

the fact that this happened at Pat's house, and they supposedly werent dating.

the fact that these kids will never see their mom again.....

Why?

How?

Once we had gotten the kids calmed down a little, which was hard, because Dennis and I were both pretty shook up as well, the kids asked if their mom had been drinking.

And we told them yes.

At ages 11 and 15, these kids lost their mother, to a horrible disease.

I called one of my best friends. Her father was an alcoholic, and committed suicide when we were 13. She came over to talk to the kids a little bit.

Dennis made a lot of phone calls, to the rest of her family.

Bubba had youth group that night, and asked if he could still go. He wanted to go to church. So we took him. Dennis told the Pastor what had happened.

That group of kids, and Pastors, made a circle around Bubba and prayed for him. Kids did that!!! Amazing!

Bubba found a peace of mind that night. He came home to tell us that he believes his mom is in a better place, and she doesnt have to struggle with addiction anymore. More so, he doesnt have to worry about her anymore.

No more worrying about where she is, who she is with, what she is doing, is she drinking? Is she lying? etc.

Around 9pm, some detectives came over, and asked a bunch of questions. They couldnt give us much information except the fact that there was alcohol on her "breath", and that she was found in the large inflatable swimming pool in Pat's back yard.

Both kids went to school the very next day. We gave them the option, and left it open that if it got too hard, they could call and come home.

I stayed home with Dennis and helped him talk to some more family, and try to get some more information on what exactly happened. As of even right now, this case has not been closed. We dont know for sure that Jessica took her own life that day. We know that she had been drinking, and that is about it. The police are still investigating this case, and are waiting on toxicology and autopsy results.

How horrible is this??

Jessica wasnt very present in these kids lives. She had a horrible addiction, which caused her to choose alcohol and abusive men over her children. I know that she loved her children, and they loved her.

How sad.

On Saturday, September 11th, was Jessica's memorial service at the cemetery here in town. The kids did not request a funeral, they requested that she have a grave, or a head stone, so they would have a place to visit their mom. Jessica's family is making sure that the kids wishes are being granted. They put together a beautiful memorial, and are ordering her a headstone, with a picture of a fairy on it (harley's request) as Jessica loved fairies. Jessica was cremated, and her ashes will be spread next summer during a family reunion in Goldendale.

And with that, life for us... its different now.

Jessica doesnt call to talk to the kids anymore...

Its just {US}

We've been together for 5 years, and I have never tried to replace their mother. I wont ever try to replace her. But there is even a larger void to fill now.

I have never felt a stronger calling from the Lord.

The kids {NEED} me.

I ask Him everyday now:

to calm the kids' hearts and give them peace,
for the patience to help them,
to allow my heart to open completely for them,
to put His hands on them, and guide them, so they may never have to suffer from an addiction,
that he watch over my family, and keep us all safe.
I pray that the kids keep God in their hearts, as he is now, but that they allow Him to stay there.

And that, my friends, is why life will never be the same here.